Saturday, November 17, 2007

cages

yesterday and today I am suffocating.
I need home,
I need people who love Jesus like I do,
I need people who bear LIFE,

I have been in a state of deep awareness of the emptiness around me. Spatially and spiritually. I have grown fond of being in open spaces and having the realization of how small and insignificant I am and that in that insignificance the God of the universe sees me, knows me, and love ME. In these moments I am drenched with peace and hope. I am glad I am not caged in with cement and glass towering over me, but instead and surrounded with vibrant colors of fall and am constantly reminded of how amazing my Jesus is.
and then on the other hand I am so aware of the emptiness there is here spiritually. I can't help but be overwhelmed with sadness over this. I am almost alone. and I feel it every moment I am with those I am around. I reflect on the days I hang out with them, trying my best to find the gold in them, and then I am more saddened because I can't. I pray and seek the Lord as to how I can be a life giver to those around me, but it is so draining to be alone in it (yet, I am so thankful for the hours I have before and after classes to re-fuel). I am still very drawn to the verse in Ezekiel 37 where the question is asked "son of man, can these dry bones live?". I am asking that now, I can't see how a place reeking with death can live again. "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know." He alone knows. He Alone. Knows. I am hard pursuing, steadfastly waiting and asking how much longer until something breaks.
this all makes me think of birds in cages. they are content I am sure in a cage if that is what they have grown up in, but the know little to nothing of what it is to live in FREEDOM.

5 comments:

on to june said...

you should come hang out with us on thursday nights. its off to an inconsistent start, but i'm hoping for big things..

Anonymous said...

Suzzz, I do not know why, but that brought tears to my eyes. I am so blessed and proud to know such an awesome person!!! I know you know this, but, God never promises visible fruit. But He does promise fruit!!! YAY GOD!!!!I love you and I will be praying for you:)!!!!

Anonymous said...

I had a similar experience a couple of nights ago. Our outreach paster spoke at church about social justice, and our responsibility as Christians. I was so overwhelmed. But, then I realized that there is nothing Jesus can't accomplish. I/we can't be concerned about seeing the results of our labor. We just have to trust God for the results. I'm going to pray that God surrounds you with a handful of passionate believers so that you may lean on each other and continue to be a light to everyone else around you.

Much Love!!

Faint Heart Beating For Him said...

Wow. I started reading and was like, Oh my goodness! That is how my heart feels too. Then I realized that it was you writing!! I forgot I had this bookmarked and thought it was something else. Crazy how God shows us what we need when we need it. Love you.

Anonymous said...

dig you are so TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I can't wait to get you home and take you to NFC to get refueled! Sunday nights are absolutely incredible. This past Sunday we began our intercessory prayer time with prophetic worship....just like in old days at IHOP, etc. I can't wait! love, d