Thursday, August 23, 2007

4 or so hours.

Driving alone, I believe, is very much like being in purgatory. just a thought.

Monday, August 20, 2007


this semester is going to be cool.


two nights ago I was laying in bed and I had the funniest thing ever to put on here. and I laughed. but the next morning I forgot. so now I don't have anything funny. :0(
but, here is a list of the new words added to my vocabulary this summer:

Oh Snap
Bull Snap

it's alot. I know. that's what happens when you're in college.

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Time Has Come

Alas, my last week has arrived.
I am very surprised at all of the things I must do before I leave! the list seems to go on for days.
oh well.
I have been learning about life a lot lately it seems, but then, I guess if you are looking for ways to grow it is easy to see them. or something.
I spend an hour on the phone with C. Byrd a few nights ago and as we spoke I had some deep realizations of things. We talked mostly about being hurt by people and how to avoid that. I figured really in relationships you have two things you can do. 1. you can shut yourself off emotionally from people so that you protect yourself from being hurt by them or 2. you love them and forgive them where they are and you yourself live full of life no longer afraid of being hurt because you can love and forgive. I would much rather be the second one. I would much rather be alive and hurt sometimes (because no matter what, people will fail us), than be a person emotionally dead to the world. She was telling me how she didn't want to be hurt by anyone in the future, which I can understand because who likes to be hurt? but once again, there is no way to avoid that. there is pain in life. and that is that. I talked with her about Jesus some and how he must have been so hurt when one of his friends (Peter and Judas) who he had poured his life into for the past three years, ended up denying him and selling out. I can't imagine the pain. Like Sean says sometimes "man, if I were him, I would have called down lightening from the sky and nailed them!". anyway. I also realized again that without pain and stretching we don't grow. As I talked with C, words flowed out of my mouth that I didn't know where there. It was basically the coolest thing ever. She told me I should write a book. and I think maybe I will one day when I am 72. It seems like a good plan.
Anyway. I have resolved to live in a way that releases life to others and that forgives people where they are.

Saturday, August 11, 2007


To all of my adoring fans:
I have just started a new web page with my photography on it.
It is found under "Photography" (I know, I got creative with the title) on the right side of this page.

Monday, August 6, 2007

True Dedication

Today I was reading in Judges chapter 11 (Judges is a great book by the way) and in that, there is a leader named Jephthah and he goes to fight the Ammonites and he makes this vow to the Lord that if he defeats them and returns home safe then he will offer up the first thing that comes out of his home to greet him up to the Lord as a burnt sacrifice- ok I don't know what he was thinking when he said that, maybe he was desperate for the Lord to help him, or maybe he thought that like, an animal would come out of the house first or something...I don't know, but I can't believe he said that- so, the story goes on and he goes and fights and the Lord brings him out on top, he goes home and his daughter, his ONLY daughter come out first, she came out singing, and he cries out to God out of sadness. -once again, I don't know why he would have said that he would sacrifice the first thing that came and greeted him but he did- so, he tells his daughter and she says that he should do what he said he would do, and she goes away to mourn and then in the end he ends up offering her up as a sacrifice to the Lord.
I read that, and I was so shocked. I couldn't believe he really did it! I was waiting for something to happen like it did with Abraham and Isaac, but, hey kept his word to the Lord. I was amazed. I read the verses a few times over (Judges 11:29-38). I think of how he kept his word, and then I can't even keep my word when I make something so small to the Lord. how sad is that.
I desire to be like Jephthah in that I keep my word when I make it, not matter how much it kills me. we should all be like that, even in the small things. we should be people of our word.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

I'm learning to breathe.

So, I have been thinking about what to write on here. just to let you know, usually I write a few things a week, but they don't make it because I don't finish them and then I delete it all. sorry. but I have given some more thought to this.
Dad talks a lot about different seasons and chapters in life, and I decided that if my chapters of life were to have titles the title of this chapter in my life would be "death".
That sounds a little morbid or something, but I don't think it is such a bad thing.
this is how my chapter begins:

Chapter 7- Death

What does it mean to die? what is death? what does death bring about? in pondering this, I found that for now, death brings life. without death, there is no life. That is a fact (as Nathan and David would say). I don't know that I am comfortable with the whole death concept yet, but I think I am on the right track. Within the past few days I have had to hand over something very precious to me and allow it to die. It is actually still dying as I type, and maybe will continue to do so for the next few days, weeks, months, years... I don't know! but that is all besides the point. the point is, in this death, there is life. I have yet to see what this life may be. but I am sure that it is there. therefor I have hope, and that is a good thing. I was listening to switchfoot in the car a few days ago and I was listening to the "learning to breathe" song and I found that it was very much relevant for where I am right now.
... I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

yeah, that sums it up for now. I am waiting expectantly on where this life may lie when all I feel is death around me. I am wondering what you do when you yourself haven't felt confirmation (from something the Lord has supposedly said) on what someone else has felt regarding your life. I still don't know about that. but I will certainly continue to pray about it.
This week has sucked big time. especially today. but you know what? that is ok. "The shadows prove the sun shines". (I really like switchfoot, they know what they're talking about)
That is all. you all can be praying for me. I need it.